Read in Chinese (Simplified) 版
You might find me arrogant after reading my posts. Perhaps, you might even hate me. If you know me personally, what I write may come as a shock to you, as you’ll probably see a side of me you never knew.
Sometimes I wonder how people see me. Occasionally when people reveal a thing or two about how they feel about me, I would ask myself, what have I done to make them feel I am such a person? One side of me that people (other than my students) are probably never mistaken is, I’m very quiet, and it’s quite a task to get me into a talkative mood.
The posts I write will not be crowd-pleasers. They will be about what I feel I have to say. Often I remain quiet even when I hear things that I don’t agree. This might come across as being hypocritical to some. I am far from eloquent, especially verbally. And being quiet is so much a part of me that it is very challenging for me to voice out how I feel, even if it is something I feel strongly about, as long as I don’t feel that the situation is right.
Disharmony throws me off-balance. Any form of conflict is very hurting to me – even if I am just an observer. So that makes it almost impossible for me to voice out how I feel, unless the person has made it plain clear that he welcomes friendly discussion. Which is mostly not the case. People often say they are, but start saying how you feel, and you shall see the extent of their open-mindedness. I have yet to master the skill of saying what I have to say, gently, but firmly. It’s unpleasant for me to talk to forceful and aggressive people, and it’s no fun either for people to talk to a grown-up cry-baby.
Up till this point, I might have cast an impression that I am never aggressive. I wish it were true, but no, of course not, I can be aggressive, but being so irks me – I find aggression of any form really ugly. So I try not to, but well, I’m still a student at being gentle.
I don’t like disparaging Asian culture, or any culture for the matter, but it is, I’m afraid, true that in our society, we have to know where we stand before we talk. So being neither high in societal status nor old enough, who am I to say ‘I’m afraid I don’t agree with you’.
But I can’t pretend to agree with something that I don’t. So here you will read what you probably won’t hear. And I won’t be directing whatever I say to anybody specific. In fact, this site is a revival of sorts of my old blog, in which I tried to share my vegan lifestyle. One huge mistake I made was hoping that it would help certain specific people. It was unfair to them, nor was it helpful to me. Very few people stick through a path they’ve chosen. But it’s their path, so I shan’t be upset that they lack faith in what they set out to do. People are fickle, and that’s to be expected. To my students, as long as they are keen to learn, no matter how fast they forget, nor how slow they remember, I am more than happy to repeat again and again till they get it. But otherwise, I rarely repeat. I don’t like to try and sell my ideal. You won’t like it, nor is it my responsibility to nag.
Not my responsibility to nag, but oh well… it’s just not right to save what I think is best just for myself. I am not here to educate either, for I am in no position to educate anybody. With the advent of social media, it is hard for anyone not to see the bountiful articles advocating veganism and self-healing. Is it even necessary for me to join in? I am responsible for nobody’s well-being, but yet I have to be accountable to my conscience. I am writing what I think I have to write, to be accountable to myself.
So here I shall write whatever I feel is worth jotting down. If it is useful for some, I’m very glad. If it irks some, I can’t help it. When I said you might hate me, that ‘you’ really included YOU. There will probably be something that I say that will make you think, what the hell is she thinking? If you are willing to read, thank you. At times I myself find my writing so boring I can’t bring myself to read it. If you still like me after reading… I probably can’t thank you… enough!
And oh, it won’t be just about veganism.
It’s all about my way, my gait.